So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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