He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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