If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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