I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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