im six kinds of drunk right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
