Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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