he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and she was petting her beer can
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
