Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
