Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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