Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
