Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
40s are totally the cure
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
