My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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