genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
