I think I won the penis lottery.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
