All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
