I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
