hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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