if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I could fuck to npr.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
