Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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