atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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