It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
