Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
