pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
