No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
