I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
