Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we should paint friendship bongs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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