birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
