I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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