i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
