i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
