I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
