I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
