i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
