I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
