Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
