Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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