I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
