she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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