i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Vodka?
Forever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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