I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
