$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
