Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
