No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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