u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
