I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
