I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
