He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
