i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
