Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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