I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
