Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
