the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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