If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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