Define "chronic" masturbator.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
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